Communication – The sending and receiving of information between two or more parties.
You might think you’re a great communicator, but as any coach will tell you, there’s always room for improvement. Communication with peers is a studied skill that we tend to think is practiced through years of conversation. That practice can make you much worse at sending and receiving information instead of better!
Consider that as people grow, learn, develop, and go through various life experiences, there’s a level of “assumptions” we believe to be true. Those “how things are” moments manifest into altered perceptions of conversation and, with them, the loss of communication. If any of these trigger words sound familiar, you might see how conviction breeds limiting beliefs.
So, how do we get out of this seemingly jaded mentality? It all starts with your ability to be reflective.
Imagine you’re conversing via Teams with a coworker about a project you’re working on. Your mood could very much dictate how you read the message and what actions you take. If you’re having a particularly taxing day, you might be in a frustrated mood that makes you think everyone is out to get you. If you’re having a great day, you might take the messages lightheartedly and feel like joking around.
Here’s an example:
| Teams Messages (this is how it’s visually written) | Bad Mood (read the bold with contempt) | Good Mood (read the italics with ease) |
|---|---|---|
| “Hey, I’m not sure if you saw, but Bill asked us to run through that report again. I think something didn’t sound quite right to him.” | “Hey, I’m not sure if you saw, but Bill asked us to run through that report again. I think something didn’t sound quite right to him.” | “Hey, I’m not sure if you saw, but Bill asked us to run through that report again. I think something didn’t sound quite right to him.” |
| “Here we go again! I’m pretty sure I’ve memorized the facts of this report at this point! What else are we missing?” | “Here we go again! I’m pretty sure I’ve memorized the facts of this report at this point! What else are we missing?” | “Here we go again! I’m pretty sure I’ve memorized the facts of this report at this point! What else are we missing?” |
| “Heck if I know! I’m sure we’ll talk about it with him after we submit the next draft.” | “Heck if I know! I’m sure we’ll talk about it with him after we submit the next draft.” | “Heck if I know! I’m sure we’ll talk about it with him after we submit the next draft.” |
See the differences? The messages change meaning once the reader adds their own perception of where the inflection goes. The problem isn’t the conversation – it’s how it is received. The communication breakdown happens because there’s no actual context for reading it. Predispositions cause limiting beliefs to exist that can lead to frustration, anger, contempt, or their opposites.
While the example above deals with a one-to-one conversation, communication breakdowns also happen in large groups. Think about one of your core units. This could be your family, a group of very close friends, a team of coworkers, or a set of clients working together. Ask yourself the following questions to determine if your core unit is working efficiently together:
- Does everyone know how to work together to solve a problem?
- When a question needs attention, is the information given to everyone all at once?
- Do people seem frustrated or disconnected from their roles in the unit?
Each one of these questions point to communication breakdowns. The first question discusses the feeling of being alone on a proverbial island. The second notes the consideration of each person’s contributions. The third proves that the situation is ongoing. Communication breakdowns cause long-term problems that grow into additional limiting beliefs for each unit member. If they persist, even group outings and meetings of the mind create dissonance because each of the three questions above is overlooked.
If you work with clients or are in any relationship, communication breakdowns are often shrouded in a veil of emotional rollercoasters. Fights can break out from small hurdles or seemingly angry e-mail statements. That’s because frustration forms from their perception that the relationship (professional or personal) is communicative, but the communication isn’t resulting in success/happiness. This is when clients start to wonder if they should find “better” service or if relationships start to step away from true closeness.
Anger, frustration, unexpected behavior, or loss of attention are often symptoms of broken communication patterns. They might indicate a deeper problem, but without true communication, they will undoubtedly get worse.
So, how do you repair communication pitfalls in personal relationships, workplace environments, or any unit you belong to? Follow these rules to start:
- Speak to everyone involved at the same time. If you’re at work, put everyone involved in a project in the same chat and talk it through. Create a centralized location where information that impacts everyone can be shared with everyone that needs to know about it. If you’re in a personal relationship, consider setting time aside weekly to discuss topics so things aren’t left in passing. Keeping personal or work conversations organized, consistent, and timely will create a stronger, united outcome.
- Encourage & examine perspective. Regardless of professional or personal setting, consider the point of view of anyone else involved. Ask yourself questions about how things might affect other processes or people. The more everyone can identify how everything affects others, the better. It creates a way to uncover and overcome potential hurdles before they can cause dissonance. Listen to the perspective. Don’t interrupt it. Don’t start thinking about your response while someone is speaking. Be present and encourage the exploration of perspective. It doesn’t matter that you might have an answer or get frustrated that you’re talking about something already covered – it matters that whoever receives information can properly and fully ingest it.
- Ask for ongoing feedback. Not everyone thinks of everything right in the moment of a conversation. Consider the welcoming of consistent feedback and discussion. Implement ways to preemptively offer a topic/agenda and allow additional conversations after a meeting everyone can reasonably prepare for. Remember that personal relationships thrive when each person feels comfortable expressing their lingering thoughts to one another without receiving judgment. Professional relationships are the same. Ongoing feedback without judgment breeds continuous growth.
- Create clarity. To speak clearly, avoid overcomplication. Get rid of overly complex language. Think about what you want to say, then cut it into one clearly defined sentence. Can you do it? If not, then you likely cannot communicate clearly. If so – use that sentence and only build details around it. You’ll never be able to help someone understand your point of view unless you definitively know it yourself. The faster you process information in your mind, the less clearly you vocalize it without proper preparation.
- Be respectful. Know that in any relationship, all parties involved have an innate desire to want to make it work. That means negative emotions are just getting in the way of proper communication. Find ways to talk through difficulties and be respectful to your own needs while also being respectful to the needs of others. This is easiest to understand with a client – why would they want to keep working with someone they feel doesn’t want to work with them? Consider that being respectful also means being adaptable and focused on positive results.
Communication rules are about unification and desire. They won’t work if there is no desire to have united conversations. The five rules listed above should never exist independently but rather work together. Failing to follow even one of them means causing a breakdown that leads to misperception and discord.
You’ll find that most personal and professional problems fade quickly when communication is improved. Things work more efficiently, and people respond more openly when a conversation is welcomed and focused on united goals.
