Accountability: Facing the facts
You’re on the left of a two-lane highway, stuck in traffic. It’s been moving slower and slower by the minute. Your AC is blasting cold air to keep you from the blistering heat outside. The driver behind you is getting way too close, and you can see from your rearview mirror that he’s complaining. The car on the two-lane road next to you is creeping its way ahead as your lane seems to come to a complete stop. That frustrated driver behind you suddenly takes the opportunity to move from the left lane to the right. It’s obvious that the intention is to pass you, and your anger instantly intensifies. Where is he trying to go? Why bother trying to pass anyone with bumper-to-bumper traffic? You yell, “What a moron!” as you stare intently at his actions. Everyone is inching up slowly, your lane is now slower than ever, and that guy who was behind you is now giving you a dirty look as he passes you and continues to mouth some obviously belittling statements.
You’re angry, you’re annoyed, and you’re sick of it. The complaints you’re letting out are doing nothing for you, and the frustration at all the other drivers on the road, causing the traffic, is making you keep saying how much you hate everyone. If only you had a magic wand…
Better yet… if only you could put your focus toward something more positively productive…
It’s time to face the fact that you are the only common denominator in every single situation you encounter. The problem is that you always find yourself uttering phrases like:
- “They just don’t get it.”
- “The client was just stubborn and didn’t like me.”
- “It’s because of them.”
- “They should have just done something else.”
- “They keep dropping the ball.”
You use these phrases to feel better. They’re not justifications, though; they’re excuses. They shift the blame away from you, but in doing so, they strip you of your power to grow, improve, achieve, and ‘win.’ They’re not just hurting you, they’re hurting everyone around you, and they’re destroying every potential to build a future where you and others can thrive. It has to stop. You have the power to change this. You have the power to stop this destructive cycle. You have more control than you want to admit.
Accountability means being responsible for what you do. Self-accountability is about seeing that you are in control of yourself and that complaining or blame-shifting is useless.
Blame-shifting is a trap. It’s easy and comfortable because it convinces us we’re not the problem. The catch is that the second you blame someone or something else, you remove the ability to control your actions and outcomes. Instead, you put them in someone else’s hands. When we give that kind of power away, we lose the desire and ability to control the direction of our growth. Think of it this way: the second you start pointing fingers outwardly, you stop looking inwardly. The reality is, you’ve read plenty of infographics, self-help books, and quotes to understand that inward is where the real change happens.
Accountability starts the second you allow yourself to reflect and ask, “How did I contribute to this?” Consider those phrases from before and their inward accountability reflections:
| Excuses/Blame-Shifting/Justifications | Accountability Reflections |
|---|---|
| “They just don’t get it.” | How do I shift the environment, so it doesn’t tolerate misalignment? |
| “The client was just stubborn and didn’t like me.” | How can I better understand and align with the client’s goals? |
| “It’s because of them.” | How can I help fix this for the future? |
| “They should have done something else.” | What could I have done differently? |
| “They keep dropping the ball.” | How can I set clearer expectations? |
None of the reflections are about blaming. Instead, they’re about ownership.
Ownership doesn’t mean everything is your fault. It means you’re always asking, “What part of this can I own to create a better outcome?” And before you tell yourself that you’ve “tried” or you “know how this will go,” realize that ownership also means maintaining a solution-driven mindset where you try different strategies and consistently think about potential positive actions
Ever wonder how large businesses crack from the inside? It’s generally because “ownership” is perceived, by most employees, to be on everyone else. Cultures that breed “it’s not my problem,” “I tried,” and “why should I” mentalities fail because they forget the very reason they’re all together in the first place. Organizations, by definition, have multiple people at multiple levels because everyone is responsible for a piece of their forward direction. The concept of ownership in accountability requires everyone to always consider how they can individually take control of their actions to improve their overall result.
Need a different example?
Have you ever seen long-term relationships start to collapse and inevitably break with phrases like, “I can’t stand when,” or “I’m sick of it” pop up? That could signal a sign of missing ownership accountability. Successful relationships require forthright conversation that create positive actions. While anger, frustration, and difficulty happen, they’re often signals for communication rather than resentment. Ownership of self would have you saying, “How can I communicate the way this makes me feel effectively?” and “Am I contributing to the problem in any way?” Those self-reflecting statements create a new level of awareness that focuses on building something stronger and happier. Isn’t that the goal we should all be working toward, regardless of what part of our lives we’re discussing?
As the famous TomTom poster proclaimed in 2010, “You are not stuck in traffic. You are traffic.” It’s time for you to realize and accept that you’re not in a problematic situation because of others. Instead, you are a part of the difficult situation. Start thinking about what you can do and stop thinking about who to blame or how annoying it is. That just leads to your failure at a much worse level.
Self-accountability and ownership accountability are the same whether talking about life, work, relationships, or leadership. All the systems you’re frustrated about, you’re a part of them. You shape them, reinforce them, and allow things to happen based on your actions or inactions. If you’re in the room, whether metaphorically or literally, you’re part of the dynamic. Stop making it worse by running away from your responsibility and start taking steps to develop the outcomes that make things better.
To do this, start by asking yourself the following questions:
- What am I missing?
- How could I show up differently?
- What am I avoiding or pretending not to see?
- How was I a part of the system, problem, or situation that led to this scenario?
- What can I do differently to improve my results?
It’s not about perfection or the need to self-blame. In fact, take blame out of the equation entirely. Just think about what you can own and improve on. Accountability, in any of its forms, does not mean being perfect or needing to dwell on blame. It’s about being willing. Willing to see your part, willing to take responsibility, and willing to grow. It comes down to owning outcomes instead of avoiding them. Taking on this mindset will gain you more respect, trust, and growth, because accountability, like most forms of positivity, is contagious.
The next time you catch yourself throwing shade, blaming, or trying to point a finger, stop. Remind yourself that being in any difficult situation, even if only by judging it, means you are part of the problem. Avoid trying to vouch that your intentions were never to “hurt” or “discourage,” and see that you have more of an ability to be part of the solution than you think.
That traffic you’ve been complaining about, you’re a part of it just as much as you see everyone else is.
Let self-accountability drive your growth. Everything else is just a distraction.
