Let’s face it… you’ve been avoiding things.
Be honest with yourself at this point and acknowledge that you’re avoiding conversations and actions that would further your life just because you get too worked up about a topic that quietly means more to you than you let others understand.
It sometimes keeps you up at night, sometimes manifests as an eruption of emotions, and sometimes turns into complacency because you don’t have the energy. You get into a state of “I don’t care” or even a place of “what if I lose everything,” and the spirals keep going.
Eventually, you tell yourself you’ve found control with it, but it creeps up over and over, doesn’t it? No matter how much you avoid the honest conversation, the direct action, and the nudge out of your comfort zone, you know it will keep resurfacing. It might be in a day, a week, a month, or even a year, but you know it’s coming back.
What are you going to keep doing? Avoiding it? Letting it change you and hurt you? Letting it eat at you until there’s nothing left but a need for a massive change or an explosive, angry fight? Or are you going to just openly admit you’ve been avoiding it and finally be courageous enough to face the unknown on your own?
One thing is for sure: avoidance has a hold on you that only you can break. Are you willing?
What “Avoidance” Really Is
We all know what avoidance is. We understand it’s the act of keeping away or not doing something. We know it exists because we all do it regularly, in some way or another.
You know that feeling when you’re looking to change your GPS route to one that keeps you moving despite the extra ten minutes of driving so that you don’t feel stuck in traffic? That high-volume route will still be faster than the detours, but you feel better when you’re moving, so you cut people off, switch lanes, and take the longer, less efficient route.
That’s avoidance in your day-to-day life. It’s the moments when you look away from what you know is right and convince yourself of every reason why something else is better. You see this when you avoid conversations with bosses and coworkers, when you send the email instead of calling the client, or even when you complain to peers about someone, but never confront the actual person with the problem.
We take detours in our actions just like we do in traffic, not because we’re lost, but because we fear the impatience of the direct route. That fear is the quiet voice of avoidance disguising itself as logic.
You pretend that you are stuck behind the frustration of others when the actual frustration comes from the fact that you might be facing some level of cowardice. That’s where your solution starts.
The Two Sides of “Avoidance”
For the purpose of this thought process, avoidance has two sides: the fear of action and the fear of result.
The fear of action is the added effort you might have to endure if you act. It’s the extra required hours, the taking on of a new or more challenging responsibility, or the idea that you become more responsible and accountable.
The fear of the result stems from the response you will get if you take action. It’s the thoughts about how people will respond, the judgment and attitude you’ll receive, the conversations you’ll need to have, and the losses you might have to take.
Both the fear of action and the fear of result come down to one thing: accepting change.
Change, in its most objective form, is neither good nor bad. The emotions and thoughts we add to change are what give it meaning. Lost friendships, disconnected roles, and shifts in trust are deemed harmful, while engagement promises, work promotions, and upgraded novelties are perceived as positive.
All of that is mindset. Those lost friendships might not have been ones you should have kept around in the first place. Those disconnected roles might mean you have a chance to improve and shine in other ways. Your upgraded novelties might be momentary endorphin boosters with no lasting memories.
Change isn’t your problem when it comes to the fear of action and the fear of result. It goes deeper.
Hidden Cowardice
We are facing a tough moment right now. We have to admit that we’re devaluing ourselves. This is where that word “cowardice” comes in.
We think that cowardice is an attribute of the weak, but every single person deals with it constantly in their lives. Sometimes it shows up as a lack of energy, as a debilitating thought, or it hides behind every excuse in the book. Cowardice is a big piece of avoidance.
You have to accept that as truth while you explore all these points in your mind. If cowardice is your reality, then how do you fight it? How do you help yourself become braver?
Is it learning something better? Is it writing down what you want to say and saying it? Is it accepting that you can’t predict the future and trusting yourself enough to take that step? Maybe. Those things might help you, but there’s one piece missing: open honesty.
The Power of “Open Honesty”
“Open honesty” isn’t just about admitting; it’s about verbalizing, without fear or prejudice, what is important to you.
When is the last time you were able to openly say to your boss, friend, best friend, or partner what is important to you? When is the last time you told someone exactly what success, happiness, victory, or support means to you?
When was the last time you were able to freely say what you think without the fear of judgment because you’re not speaking out of ill will, anger, or malice, but instead out of hope, desire, passion, and value?
If you reflect carefully, you’ll probably realize that you restrict conversations from your passion and heart more and more. You might notice it in your personal life with friends and family, just as much as you could with your work life, when you avoid conversations with your boss or mentors. You can even notice it when you take that sigh of relief and shed a tear because you finally let out what you truly want to achieve with your coach.
It’s okay to be openly honest when that open honesty is not being used as a tool for cruelty.
It’s okay to find appropriate ways to be openly honest.
The second you do these things, you will feel yourself taking the next step. That doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy. Openly honest conversations tend to create openly honest emotions, but, as we discussed earlier about change, the results of open honesty lead to open objectivity. That is the game changer.
Taking Ownership
If you’re sitting and complaining about someone over and over, they’re no longer the problem. You are.
If you’re hiding behind every excuse in the book, constantly blame-shifting, and excusing behavior, you are the problem.
If you are masking every conversation with a solution to something you are avoiding, you are again, in part if not all, the problem.
We are all guilty of avoidance, but that doesn’t mean we’re secretly cowards. It means we’re human. It means we’re part of a bigger whole, and to help one another and ourselves thrive, we need to allow for open, honest conversations in an appropriate setting and with respectful intent.
It isn’t about unleashing; it’s about communicating. Most people believe they do this well, yet few ever receive honest feedback about how they actually communicate. The beauty of being human is the ability to realize that we all go through variations of the same fears, moments of energized excitement, angry discord, and happy laughter.
Our job is to surround ourselves with people who have the same drive, who attend the parties and make the most of each moment, who can find the good, and with whom we can build our futures. It’s not to punish ourselves or others by removing happy moments, turning challenging hills into insurmountable mountains, or destroying ourselves in the sacrifice of difficult personalities.
At the end of the day, humans want to be happy.
Don’t you think it’s better to be happy and thriving together than stagnant and not growing?
Avoidance doesn’t make us weak. It makes us human. But honesty is what makes us free.
