Overcoming Evaluation Discomfort: Self-reflecting after feedback
Everyone accepts the value of feedback, whether in a professional setting, at school, or as part of those caring friendships where honest conversations can exist. They’re fundamental opportunities for us to find growth in an atmosphere that’s meant to be accepting despite any slight discomfort. Initially, we tend to take feedback at face value and decide whether it holds personal importance. However, when our egos kick in, this same feedback can be misinterpreted as a personal attack rather than constructive guidance for improvement. Unfortunately, most of us embrace our misinterpretations of any provided feedback and invent deliberate steps solely created to impress those delivering it. As a result, we develop convoluted comparisons and deeply ingrained limited beliefs. Deeper than even that, though, we often purposely trap our minds, staying at a surface-level state as much as possible because we don’t want to confront the self-limiting topics that impact our daily mindset. So, how do we reset our minds to see a deeper value to feedback rather than a momentary conversation riddled with objections and frustration? The answer is to confront our vulnerabilities.
Feedback and evaluations can unwittingly trigger a sense of unease, often linked to deeply-rooted habits or fears. Instead of seeing this as an attack on our abilities, we should view it as a reflection of our past actions and opportunities for self-reflection. Evaluations are not a measure of perfection (which does not exist) but, instead, a tool for self-reflection and behavioral change, essential for personal growth.
Take a minute to reflect on a time when you received some form of critical evaluation. What feelings did hearing the feedback give you? Be honest about those feelings. Were you feeling attacked? Were you using it to determine your self-worth? Did it make you feel down, frustrated, or confused?
Go deeper. Instead of focusing on the distractions of the conversation, consider the actions leading to the critical nature of the feedback. Were you assuming everything was acceptable and ignoring the idea of potential errors before receiving it? Is the feedback forcing you to examine a perspective you didn’t initially consider? Can you step outside of your self-created comfort zone to build a stronger, more refined you? As you consider these possible questions and if you find yourself starting to feel slightly uncomfortable, try thinking about the last time a partner, best friend, or loved one gave you critical feedback on your actions. If you go deeper with those same questions, you’ll start to accept that the feedback might have been an avenue to examining a different perspective. Accepting that realization is the self-reflection you want to internally engage in is key to improving all aspects of your life.
By shifting your attention from the emotional reaction to these root causes, you start to recognize that the received criticism is not a judgment of your worth but rather a diagnostic tool for improvement. Feedback is a source of inspiration, not a measurement of degradation. Once you allow feedback to become a personal calibration tool, you’ll see that it can become a steppingstone toward achieving new levels of previously unperceived potential. To do this, you have to consider what personal behavioral patterns the feedback you are receiving could be pointing out and how you can make that pattern more productive for yourself. For example, if data from recent feedback shows you skipping a step in a clearly defined process, it could indicate a conviction that the step isn’t as necessary in your mind. If that’s the case, it could be reasonable to consider that you might not fully trust the process you’ve been asked to follow. While you might say you had good reason not to take the specified action or focus on the value of time as your motivation for skipping the step, your attention should be on overcoming the limiting beliefs about the step’s value. That shift in conversation and attention, whether internal or with a Coach/mentor, is the game-changing action that helps you reframe feedback, so it becomes more valuable. It has nothing to do with your “inability” and everything to do with challenging your defensive vulnerabilities.
Regardless of their form or direction, evaluations are about cultivating a mindset that values continuous learning. However, this journey can be daunting, and we often should seek reinforcement from mentors. These impacting helpers play a critical role in guiding us through the feedback process, providing us with the support, guidance, and accountability we need to grow. Sometimes, this drive for validation leads us to steer conversations toward seeking praise and approval rather than embracing vulnerability that fosters genuine improvement. The right environment and trained Coaches/mentors make the relevant difference when this happens because they will focus on accountability and your overall goals. When you surround yourself with people you can be vulnerable around without fear of judgment or long-term consequences, you’ll find the courage to expand, grow, and improve. Ultimately, the desire for continuous learning will always overcome the obstacle of lacking resources – especially because the choice of environment is always in your hands.
Understanding that feedback and evaluation are about a commitment to continuous growth is essential. You can apply this concept to personal relationships just as much as it applies to professional development. Instead of shying away from vulnerability, embrace it as a guide to unlocking your potential. The next time you receive feedback, pause and reflect: What personal behavioral patterns does this critique reveal, and what actions can I take to improve on them? Use that reflection to fuel your journey of self-improvement. When you see feedback not as a measure of failure but as a tool toward a refined version of yourself, you empower every aspect of your life. Imagine overcoming deeply-rooted barriers you vaguely knew existed simply because you allowed yourself to finally consider an alternate perspective.
Remember, the courage to be vulnerable is the first step toward genuine positive transformation.
