Three Truths and One Lie: What Your Actions Have Revealed
If someone could only learn about you based on all your actions in the last five months and not hear your words, what would they say your priorities are?
Consider the way you apply this question to different elements of your life. You are a mixture of your experiences, communication, values, and actions, but others don’t always have insight into your experiences or perceptions. This leaves a lot of room for interpretation. It makes it easy for people to create assumptions about you, impacting your actions and responses. Even deeper, as the saying goes, “We do not see things as they are. We see things as we are.“
Actions are the clearest mirror of intent. They reveal where your thoughts gather, which challenges you confront, and which you sidestep. By examining the patterns you’ve created, you can uncover limiting beliefs, unproductive habits, and untapped opportunities to find the real you.
TRUTH #1: Stagnancy is NOT Stability
Our brains are hardwired to see patterns, and those patterns shape our reality. We are also constantly influenced to think that routines create strength. Whether it’s a personal trainer on social media spouting a 30-second clip about the need for repetitive actions or our internalized task list saying that we should routinely cook the same foods and handle chores on specific days, we convince ourselves that the best measurement of achievement is our ability to replicate actions.
While repetition can have advantages, particularly in some learning environments, the concept of repeat actions outside of standardized lessons could signal a more profound need for resolve. Our brains want to find patterns, but our intrinsic nature as humans is to explore the new. This rarely perceived internal battle often leads to the conviction that change will be frustrating. It convinces you that the more you accept a new process or element into what already exists, the more it will repeat the prior issues you’ve worked hard to control. Past results though, are not indicative of future performance.
Think of three adjectives that describe your personality from fifteen years ago. Now, think of three adjectives that describe your personality today. You would be hard-pressed to pick the same exact words because doing so would imply you haven’t grown. This exercise illustrates the importance of being open-minded and receptive to change for personal growth. By embracing change as a positive notion, you can find that stability comes from appreciation while defying the negative nature of stagnancy.
TRUTH #2: The magic you’re looking for is in what you’re avoiding
Your daily, weekly, or monthly routines feel safe, but they create a deceptive calm that tempts you into shortcuts you know will “work.” That self-made comfort zone becomes a trap and when you finally face real feedback, whether in a friend’s conversation, your annual review, or a client critique, you snap into defense-mode, realizing that mindless repetition has actually degraded your progress.
We trick ourselves into thinking that the phrase “practice makes perfect” means success comes from precisely repeating a task over and over, but that’s not the case. The point of practice is to grow from every individual experience. It implies that you can keep getting better and that you can learn from each event. Consider the things you “practice” in your life. From cooking, writing, fitness, and problem-solving to work skills, client communication, and relationships – you keep improving because you take the knowledge from prior experiences and upgrade your decisions. Practice does not imply a repetition of the mundane; it focuses on the improvement of growth. When you see practicing as a concept that requires self-reflection, you gain a perspective that positions you to grow from personal experiences.
The problem we encounter is that we avoid the idea of learning because the safety of that mundane repetition feels comfortable. Safety asks you to avoid risk. But real learning demands it. The catch is that the brain, including your subconscious thoughts, handles high-level self-analysis that triggers you to push back against certain decisive action. Decisions mean that you break patterns, and that’s where you fall into the desire to retreat.
Think about how long it has taken you to commit to an exercise routine, a planned nutrition program, a coaching model, or something you’ve wanted to do for a while. The longer you realize you’ve avoided it, the more able you are to see the pattern you’re scared of escaping. The beauty is that the work you’ve been avoiding is exactly where your next breakthrough lies. Embrace it. Don’t run from the work.
TRUTH #3: What you once worked so hard to get often becomes what you now complain about most
Desire sparks possibility, but when left unexamined, it breeds discontent. We focus on wishing and hoping as a means to explore potential. As children, we call it healthy imagination, but as adults, we conceal the exploration and instead find ways to convince ourselves nothing is ever good enough. The partner you longed for becomes the person you criticize most, the house you worked so hard for becomes the home that’s just too small, and the celebration you’ve been planning for becomes the nightmare you don’t want to coordinate. We crave stability, fall into familiar patterns, and endlessly hunt for flaws. Our brains compare. A LOT. The problem with comparison is that it truly is the thief of joy.
Think about the things you’ve recently been complaining about. It could be a loved one, an event, a job requirement, or a self-observation. Instead of dwelling on the negative thoughts, consider what you are grateful to have, despite the difficulty it can sometimes give you. This is positive reframing, and it needs to be practiced consistently. Every complaint you have is an opportunity to understand your identity.
Complaints are self-induced misdirection. They draw you into shared grievances and keep you from facing the real work. When we find what’s wrong and verbalize it without the desire for positive action, we create an environment that feeds off others accepting our difficulties as reality. This helps us avoid our actual obstacles while helping us connect with others. That connection gives you a boost of morale that becomes a drug of avoidance. By practicing gratitude, you can shift your focus from what’s lacking to what’s present, creating a sense of appreciation and personal growth.
When you treat complaints as signals to deeper problems, you’ll discover that real success and connection grow from appreciation. Stop looking for allies to validate your frustrations (which you are doing when you complain whether you know it or not). Instead, pursue solutions that pay off over the long haul. Venting might give you a quick hit of relief, but celebrating wins will fuel lasting momentum. Make gratitude your go-to response in tough moments and you’ll swap tomorrow’s complaints for today’s progress.
THE LIE: Loyalty is a transaction
Reframing can shift you from negativity to possibility or it can trap you in a distorted story of your own making. It’s easy to allow yourself to reframe situations to fit a narrative you create that avoids, conceals, or distorts reality. This dark side of reframing cements negative thoughts and blocks real growth. It steals your ability to learn and grow while building more deeply rooted, limiting beliefs.
One of the easiest ways to spot negative reframing is by examining what you perceive the benefits of loyalty to be. Ask yourself right now: Is my loyalty about personal gain or is it about a shared purpose? We tend to view loyalty as a long-term reward system whereby the longer you stay in a relationship, the greater the reward will be. This is a fallacy both personally, with friendships and romantic relationships, as it is with the workplace or business-to-client relationships. Despite its true benefits, loyalty is often perceived as a way to receive “perks.” Think about the dining apps you have on your phone. Their entire concept relies on the idea that the more “loyalty” you show by spending money on their food, the more they will reward you with freebies, gifts, and discounts.
Loyalty should not come with transactional expectations. It is a means to develop deeper relationships, open communication, and expand trust. When we signal that our loyalty should have some form of worth or payback, we’ve fallen into a deeper spiral of negative reframing. This eventually boils to a moment where repetition, avoidance, and complaint destroy all hope for growth. When you expect loyalty to pay back like a transaction, you erode trust, and with it, all hope for genuine growth.
Over the last five months, your actions have offered the clearest signals of what truly matters to you. They didn’t need explanations because your close friends noticed the patterns, your loved ones felt the emotions, and your colleagues/clients experienced the trust you built. By examining where you place your trust, challenging stale routines, leaning into the work you’ve been avoiding, and choosing gratitude in difficult moments, you align your daily behavior with your core values. That alignment opens the door to genuine integrity and paves the way for everything you’re still aiming to achieve.
Are you aligning your actions with your values, or are you trading three truths for one lie?
