Failure (as defined by Oxford) – A lack of success
Failure (as defined by a Coach) – A limiting belief that implies a lacking perspective
Negative self-labeling is a trap we all fall into, and it’s a destructive one. Sometimes, we get upset because we yell at someone we shouldn’t have; other times, we dwell on what we should have said in a meaningful conversation. There are even moments when we find ourselves stuck in the endless loop of what could have been.
These thoughts are the beginnings of downward spirals that eventually lead us to internally label ourselves as “bad,” “stupid,” or even the dreaded “failure.” But this internal negative self-talk is as useless as it is relentless. It casts a seed of doubt that slowly permeates our personalities until we manifest ways to prove the labels right. It’s a type of “beating yourself up” that needs to end, and the way to go about it starts with your perspective.
Turn it around
Suppose you could never “fail” at something? What if you could take any situation and consistently improve upon it? Life would instantly seem less taxing. The concept of failure is just as delusive as the concept of perfection. Both only exist to the extent that the imagination can perceive.
Pause for a moment and try remembering something you “failed” at in your lifetime. Now, instead of focusing on the perceived failure, determine what lesson exists from the “failure.”
Does the fact that you can think of a lesson, no matter how big or small, still deem the situation a “failure,” or does learning something constitute a success?
Can applying that lesson in the future make you more successful? If so, then you never actually failed at anything. You learned something.
So why do we feel the need to focus on negative self-labeling instead of the positive we truly experience? It’s all about perspective. Embracing the lessons from our “failures” can liberate us from the paralysis of fear and lead to self-acceptance and growth. This journey of evaluation is not only liberating but also inspiring because it shows that every experience, no matter how challenging, is an opportunity for overall improvement.
One powerful strategy to transform negative self-talk into positive self-evaluation is to replace negative labels with positive ones consciously. Instead of branding yourself as a “failure,” acknowledge yourself as a “learner.” This simple shift in language can wield a profound influence on your mindset and self-perception.
Don’t Get Caught in a “Comparison” Trap
Many people believe that their worth is determined by comparison to others. They often label themselves as “not as good” or “similar to” and tie these thoughts to those we perceive as superior. These comparisons create limiting beliefs that seem more credible simply because there’s a real-life example of what we think is “the gold standard.”
The truth is, you’re not meant to be anyone else. You should always strive to build yourself up positively, but not because you’re trying to be someone else. That path leads to a fear of failure because you don’t truly know who someone else is, what they think, or what happens in their world. You’re not them. You’re you, and that’s your power. Embracing your individuality and unique journey can free you from the fear of failure and give you the confidence to be your best self, knowing that your unique path makes you powerful and confident. Remember, the power of your own words can shape your self-perception.
Your self talk
Another aspect of the self-labeling process involves using qualifiers in your day-to-day conversations. Qualifiers are words or phrases used to bolster the credibility of a spoken narrative. They include statements like, “I’m not sure if this is right” or using words like “very” or “extremely” to emphasize a point. These words are used to “prove” what you’re saying. The issue with qualifiers is that the more you use them, the less they enhance your outward and inward strength. The more you convince yourself you need qualifiers when you speak to others, the less inward confidence you have when communicating. They tend to build more self-doubt, like repetition creates a habit. Eliminating these qualifiers from your speech can significantly boost your confidence and self-assurance.
When trying to reduce qualifiers, your goal should be to notice the ones you use most and remove them as much as possible. This strategy provides a clear path for improving communication and guides the reader in their efforts.
Take a look at some examples of qualifiers below:
I’m not sure if this is right, but…
Clearly…
I just want to make sure you know where I’m coming from with this…
Don’t hold this against me, but…
I can prove this if I need to so…
If it’s okay…
Now examine the following example with qualifiers and without:
With Qualifiers:
“I know that might have seemed like a long-winded explanation, but I wanted to give you some background before I told you where I stood with it. I’m pretty sure, after all that, you’d agree that a key to living a balanced lifestyle is definitely through proper nutrition, recovery, and training.”
Without Qualifiers:
“A balanced lifestyle is achieved through proper nutrition, recovery, and training.”
Which of the two examples seems more trustworthy? The one with qualifiers weakens the statement’s strength. Only without the “fluff” can you feel more able to engage in conversation about the topic.
People tend to ignore or doubt those who speak with excessive qualifiers instantly. By diminishing them, the receiver of the conversation is encouraged to actively listen to statements being spoken, rather than needing to weed through and examine why the qualifiers are present.
While reducing qualifiers helps with personal thoughts and your outward communication, they also function as a window into a person’s mindset via internal and external reactions. A reaction is a general response to an event. We often consider reactions to be emotional responses, but they can also be instinctual or explorative. All the types imply some form of outward response that others may perceive.
Negative self-labeling, qualifiers, and how we outwardly react lead to a string of limiting beliefs that drive an inexistent concept of “failure.” We need to be aware that our inner conversations lead to outward verbal expressions of insecurity and visual reactions of our mindset. Becoming aware and taking control of these ideas helps to shape a new level of confidence that, in turn, improves relationships, the ability to communicate, and the profound feeling of success.
Imagine the possibilities if you stopped believing in your own clouded spirals and stepped into an abundance of internal clarity. By learning to control our reactions and the influence they carry, we can open up a world of new opportunities and experiences.
We should always be aware of our reactions and their influence. Beyond that, we should use that awareness to improve our communication. By understanding how our responses can shape the perceptions of others, we can learn to communicate in a way that fosters understanding and growth while, most of all, reducing that feeling of perceived failure.
Reflections of the mind are often visible in the responses on our faces.
Adjust your idea of failure and your mind will reflect a positivity that you will naturally shine forward.
